How NOT to style your garden, according to Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen: Ditch the hot tub, rip up your astroturf and NEVER buy fake plants or mass-produced gnomes…

Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen is one of the country’s most trusted interiors experts, famed for his flair and maximalist home makeovers. 

With summer around the corner, the former Changing Rooms star, 60, has bemoaned the state of Britain’s gardens in an interview with the Daily Mail, adding that ‘we’re living in weird times horticulturally’. 

‘The Brits are now really a nation divided between those who really want to embrace the idea of Mother Nature in all her lousy, untidy glory by flaunting overgrown gardens and those trying to turn outdoor spaces into an extension of their indoor spaces,’ he said. 

The design guru has no time for either approach, he declared, while revealing his top tips for decorating your garden so that it is neither old money nor nouveau riche – but contemporary and stylish. 

The key is to ‘fall in love with your garden’ again, as Laurence explained how accessories, colour, and furniture should all work together to create whimsy, wonder, and an oasis of calm. 

‘Romanticise your garden, understand that it’s not a drawing room, that it’s not something you will be able to control to the nth degree,’ he said. ‘Allow things to sort of go a little bit crazy.’ 

Instead of bringing things like big barbecues or hot tubs outside, use natural materials and soft furnishings to elevate your garden rather than trying to ‘reconfigure it as an indoor space’.  

From tossing out the astro turf and ‘prosthetic’ plants to ditching hot tubs entirely, Laurence shares the seven switches that will give your garden a maximalist upgrade – with minimal fuss. 

Outdoor rugs, not AstroTurf  

One of Laurence’s biggest pet peeves is fake grass or AstroTurf – and it’s not just because it’s artificial. 

‘There is absolutely no absorption, so you’ll get worms crawling across it, and suddenly they are trapped on what’s essentially a carpet and they have no way of going through,’ he explained. 

‘The same thing happens with any domestic livestock or wild livestock that decides to [defecate] in the middle of an artificial lawn. It will stay there for as long as it takes to decompose. 

‘It is a really odd thing for people to be doing.’  

 Instead, he recommends getting an outdoor rug or carpet to place between ‘rose bushes’, adding: ‘If you don’t like grass, by all means go faux, but get a carpet!

‘You know, find yourself a good alternative, an outdoor carpet. 

‘I love the idea of, instead of having a lawn, having a vigorously patterned William Morris-esque kind of acanthus pattern happening between your rose bushes.’ 

Fire pits, not barbecues

It may be barbecue season, but Laurence has no time for the outdoor grill. 

‘I don’t really understand why you’d want to cook something badly,’ he explained. ‘Eating outside is wonderful, but I don’t think you need to cook outside as well – just like you don’t need to go to the loo outside if you’ve got a perfectly good loo inside.’

A fire pit is much classier, according to the design expert.  

Vegetables, not fake plants

Another feature of ‘new money gardens’ that Laurence has a distaste for is the use of fake or ‘prosthetic’ plants that end up fading over time. 

‘What people don’t realise is that fake plants have an annoying propensity to fade,’ he said. 

Instead of crowding your garden with artificial foliage, Laurence recommends growing more vegetables that also ‘look stunning’. 

Colour, not ‘greige’ 

Laurence is known for his vibrant and flamboyant designs, so it’s no surprise he can’t stand ‘greige’ – beige and grey – homes, popularised on Instagram by stars like Molly-Mae Hague and Meghan Markle. 

‘Sadly, at the moment, everyone just wants it grey, which is a bit of a shame,’ he said, adding that a garden is a lovely space to experiment with colours like Provence Blue, yellows or a ‘Japanese lacquer red’  

‘All of these things would be a fabulous way of creating a background to whatever nature you’ve got going on in your garden,’ he said, suggesting using colour on fences, parasols, and soft furnishings. 

Gnomes, not garden statues

Gnomes may be Britain’s most divisive garden ornament, but, like the King, Laurence is in favour of them. 

‘Like all things, it’s down to quality,’ Laurence said. ‘A really beautifully made gnome in your garden is fun, cheeky. 

‘It’s those that just feel terribly mass-produced in China, that have got a pint of beer and a bit of sunburn and England pants that have no place in a classy garden.’ 

Even worse, Laurence continued, are stone sculptures and statues, which he described as ‘great big lumps of masonry’. 

‘I think these are a very kind of new money thing,’ he added. 

The other ‘big thing with gnomes’ is that they are never supposed to be on proud display. 

‘It’s supposed to be something you find in a very unexpected corner of the garden, and they take you unawares,’ he continued. 

Earlier this year, it was reported that Charles, 77, ‘keeps staff on their feet’ at his Highgrove home in Gloucestershire by ‘moving’ a garden gnome around every time he visits, according to Frances Tophill from The King’s Foundation Curious Garden. 

‘We’ve got a little gnome that seems to move around, and I’m sure it’s the boss [the King] moving that around just to keep us on our feet,’ she said. 

Natural materials only 

Garden design is best done with the materials that have actually grown there, said Laurence. 

‘The minute that you start bringing limestone from India, the minute you start introducing aluminium or using glass, you risk bad design.’ 

He prefers using materials like stone, wood, timber, jute, rattan, or jute. 

Ponds, not hot tubs

Britain’s obsession with backyard bathing needs to end, as Laurence said, by incorporating water in the design through terrace fountains or ponds. 

‘I think I was probably put off by the idea of a hot tub early on,’ the TV star said.  ‘Maybe I saw a couple of corn plasters floating around but that’s enough to make you swear off them.’

Instead, he recommends choosing a small terrace fountain, available at your local garden centre, or building a small pond.  

‘It catches light, it gives you that wonderful noise. It’s fresh, particularly on a hot summer day.’