I walked away from my enviable life and husband… to be with a woman: ‘Late-in-life’ lesbian reveals how her ‘built-up desire’ imploded her marriage – and the electric moment that made her ‘completely unravel’

When writer Michelle Kouzmine locked eyes with the beautiful woman working behind the bar, she knew her life would never be the same. Sparks flew between the two women and their instant, palpable chemistry left Kouzmine dazed.

‘I couldn’t breathe,’ she told the Daily Mail of their first encounter. ‘When I looked at her, I was like, “What is happening?”‘

Kouzmine, then a 36-year-old mother of two, had been on vacation in Miami, seeking respite from a marriage that was on the rocks. Those relationship woes were compounded by the pressures of living in Moscow, Russia, where she had moved with her then-husband for his job and stayed much longer than she had anticipated – 14 years instead of the two that she had planned for.

But upon meeting the charming bartender with whom she shared an immediate spark, Kouzmine, now 49, realized that she was willing to risk the life she knew, where she had long sidelined her own desires, for something drastically different: a shot at love with this woman.

Kouzmine said: ‘I went on vacation to Miami and I met this woman and fell in love, and I was like, “Oh s**t, I’m going to blow up my whole life.” It just felt like something that was propelling me forward, that I didn’t have a choice to make.’

Within months, Kouzmine had left her husband, packed her belongings and moved herself and her two daughters to Miami.

Reflecting on that decision, and the thunderbolt that prompted it, Kouzmine said: ‘I grew up in such a small town in Ohio and then I went to Russia, where it’s basically illegal to be gay, so it just never crossed my mind. When it finally did, I was like, “Oh s**t! This must be what was wrong with me all this time.”‘

Kouzmine is part of a wave of women who are reconsidering their sexuality as they grow older and enter new chapters of their lives. Often referred to as ‘late-in-life lesbians’ or ‘late-bloomer lesbians,’ these are women who walk away from often well-established lives, complete with husbands and even children, to start a second chapter that turns on a lesbian liaison.

According to a 2024 Gallup poll, nearly eight percent of Americans identified as LGBTQ+ in 2023, a number that increased by 25 percent over the course of three years. The study also found that women are nearly twice as likely as men to identify as LGBTQ+.

Dr Frankie Bashan, a clinical psychologist and the founder of the queer matchmaking service Little Gay Book, said she’s seen an upswing of women coming out later in life ‘in the last eight to ten years,’ which she attributes to greater visibility and representation in pop culture, media and online for queer people.

Bashan said: ‘Spaces are more inclusive, so I think people are feeling safer to actually be more visible.’

She said late-in-life lesbians, in particular, feel more comfortable living authentically nowadays.

‘When I interview folks in the LGBTQIA+ community, especially lesbians who have come out later in life, they’ll say, “I always knew it, I knew I was different,” or “I knew that I was attracted to women, but at the same time, I wanted to have a family, and it just felt it like it would be easier to do with the traditional route.”‘

For her part, Kouzmine’s fresh start seemed quickly – and tragically – derailed. After moving to Miami, Kouzmine had romantic dinner plans with the bartender for whom she had fallen so madly – but her lover was killed in a horrific car crash while driving to the restaurant.

Yet however devastating the blow, and frightening starting out fresh must have surely been, Kouzmine could not go back to her old way of life. Instead, she persevered, staying in Miami, dating women in earnest and, ultimately meeting Mercy, the person who would become her wife less than a year after taking that leap of faith.

Kouzmine said: ‘We met and she moved in after like three days. We’ve never been apart unless we have work. It was instant, we were together 24/7, and she became my kids’ stepmom immediately. Everything just gelled and came together and made sense. We’ve been married for almost 11 years now.’

Briana Smith came out as a late-bloomer lesbian last year – a move that not only allowed her to be true to her sexual identity but helped her to pilot a new life. Smith, 33, went from being a stay-at-home wife caring for four children to balancing her parenting duties with a successful Substack and content creation about being a late-in-life lesbian.

The decision to come out as gay wasn’t something that Smith took lightly. She was raised in Salt Lake City, Utah, in the Mormon church and practiced the religion for 28 years. Abiding by its encouragement for followers to wed young and have children, Smith was married by the age of 20 and had four children before she turned 29.

Looking back it’s hard to say what came first – her doubts about her faith or her doubts about her sexuality. Fed up after years of disagreement with the institution’s stance on homosexuality, she left the church five years ago. Later, she began having feelings that something was ‘missing’ in her life.

It was an inkling that she couldn’t put her finger on – until one day, she saw a striking woman from a distance and felt deeply attracted to her.

‘I realized this is what I’ve been missing,’ Smith told the Daily Mail. ‘It was like my body turned on for the first time and detonated something inside of me.’

Having been ‘conditioned to be heterosexual,’ Smith said just one glance at the woman triggered an outpouring of thoughts and she ‘completely unraveled.’

‘One night, I was lying in bed and I was just like, “Wait, am I gay?” I had never thought that about myself, even though I had a lifetime of evidence, like kissing girls for fun in high school. As I laid there, my whole body just started buzzing.’

Smith began doing research, reading articles and finding other women with experiences similar to hers on TikTok. Within months, she decided that she couldn’t ignore her feelings and came out to her family and her now ex-husband, an act that she said was ‘the most terrifying thing I’ve done.’

Smith said: ‘I’ve never experienced so much debilitating fear as I did in coming out. I knew the second I said those words out loud, everything in my life would change. But it was also a major relief because I was so thankful I wasn’t broken.’

Much of the fear for Smith was the belief that she needed a man to survive, she said, and the fact that she went straight from her family home to building a life with a husband at such a young age.

‘I was terrified to be on my own because I had never been alone,’ she said. ‘I’ve never had the space or time to be myself or to create my own life for me.’

And while she was scared about the future, especially about finances with four children, she ‘knew there was so much goodness in being authentic.’

‘I couldn’t let the fear control my decision,’ she said. ‘Deep down, I knew I needed to do this, not just for me, but also for my children. Everything I did, I did with love because I knew that coming out and owning who I really am was the most loving thing I could do for myself, my children and my ex.’

Smith now has a girlfriend, a relationship that she says is marked by a ‘true connection.’ Put simply, she said, it feels ‘different being loved by a woman.’ And, for her, it is ‘so much more natural.’

She said: ‘It’s so much more natural for me and so much easier. I never felt these emotions of aliveness, of true desire, of warmth and this pull and magnetism. It was so special and fun.’

For Smith, her sex life is now supercharged, too.

‘I felt like I was going through a second puberty because it was so exciting and I had so much built-up desire in my body,’ Smith said.

While married to a man for 12 years, Smith felt she ‘dissociated’ during sex.

‘Physical intimacy with a woman is extremely different, because I’m not doing any of that and my body is responding completely differently,’ she said. ‘I actually have the desire for physical intimacy. I don’t need to reach for something outside of it. It’s just within me, and I’m able to access it pretty much all the time, which is so fun.’

Now, she said this is the ‘first time’ where she’s ‘feeling true desire’ and ‘longing.’

‘I tried really hard to with a man, but it just wasn’t there. I thought I was broken or that there was something wrong with me. But with a woman, it’s so natural and it’s creative and embodied. I have the longing and the pull and the hunger and the curiosity. This is the first time I’ve been with someone where I am feeling true desire.’

Kouzmine agrees – sex for her has been infinitely more fun while married to a woman.

‘I just find it a much more pleasurable experience,’ Kouzmine said. ‘I especially love that it’s very give and take on both sides, everybody gets their own turn to give and to receive. I find that to be very beautiful. And I found it to be much more natural for me. My wife and I are very lucky to have a very nice sex life.’

Kouzmine also makes the case that the dynamics of her marriage with a woman are more enjoyable, pointing out that their relationship functions as ‘more of a partnership’ and offers unique benefits in terms of the emotional intimacy.

‘Your partner is your lover, your partner, your best friend, and almost like your sister, all in one,’ Kouzmine said.

‘Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we should actually talk to other people as well, because our social life could very easily be just the two of us.’

For Smith, being in a relationship with a woman after being in a heterosexual relationship has been eye-opening. While she may have come into her identity as a lesbian later than others, she wouldn’t change her journey to coming out in any way.

‘There’s this challenge of feeling like there was time wasted, but I think the timing is perfect,’ Smith said. ‘I have zero regrets in anything that I’ve done in my life because that’s just how it was supposed to be.’