The secret to beating burnout? Stop trying to be special, says Japanese self-help guru whose books have sold 15 million copies

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If you’ve been competing with others for years, it may feel impossible to imagine a future where you’re not driven by the fear of losing your edge.

But if you can decide, swiftly and wholeheartedly, to stop striving for specialness, you may find yourself living more peacefully than ever, as if a weight has simply fallen off your shoulders.

You’ll wonder why you’ve struggled so much all this time, and you’ll be able to relax, breathe and perform better at work.

To help you reach that point, I have written a book, The Courage To Be Ordinary, which encourages you to step away from all competition. 

‘But that’s impossible!’ you may object. ‘Even if I stop, everyone else will keep competing!’

Perhaps. But no one stays undefeated forever. Even those who have long trusted in their ability to claim victory will face moments that shake their confidence.

For someone who has always excelled, it’s extremely difficult to admit that they might be ordinary. It can feel like confessing to mediocrity.

But that’s not what it means. 

When people resist the idea of being ordinary, it’s because the word carries a range of different meanings. The ordinary you reject – meaning the same as everyone else – isn’t the same ordinary I’m talking about.

As we’ll see, you absolutely shouldn’t live your life as a copy of others. But you also don’t need to be special to live differently.

Let’s start with a simple but slippery question: what does it mean to be special – and why do so many of us feel we have to be?

The truth is, you don’t need to be special at all. In practice, chasing distinction often makes life heavier, harsher and much more difficult to enjoy.

Even someone who has always been top of the class, has never lost a competition and feels destined for success can suddenly face a moment that rattles their confidence. And that moment – unwelcome as it is – can become the turning point of a lifetime.

If you’ve never doubted your own brilliance, then maybe you’ve also never felt that quiet dread: ‘What if I’m actually ordinary?’ 

However, accepting your own ordinariness is the first step towards putting down the emotional backpack you’ve been dragging around for years.

So long as you’re clinging to the idea that you have to be unique, real confidence will always slip through your fingers.

To be ordinary simply means accepting that you don’t need to be special.

It means living as you are – different by nature, not by force. It’s freedom from trying to look impressive, from competing non-stop, from grinding yourself down. It’s the space where your real strengths are finally allowed to breathe.

It can make you feel lighter – relaxed enough to go about your life with at least a little less friction. 

• The Courage to be Ordinary by Ichiro Kishimi, Vermilion, RRP £14,99, will be available to buy from 25 June