The real reason Gen Z women are ‘dating down’ and how its actually an argument against the manosphere

In a world where the ‘manosphere; and hypergamy (the theory that women only chase a tiny pool of exceptionally good-looking men) dominate online discourse about romance, Gen Z women’s actual dating habits suggest a completely different reality.

In fact, many Gen Z women are actively ‘dating down’ – a colloquial term for choosing a partner who is less physically attractive than themselves.

We’ve all been there, sitting around with friends as they quickly reassure us that ‘He’s got a good personality’ the moment they show us a picture of their latest date. It has become a classic cliche, and I’ve personally had to get a lot better at hiding my facial expressions. Last year, this exact phenomenon went viral on social media, christened ‘shrekking’ (a nod to the massive attraction gap between the animated ogre Shrek and Princess Fiona).

Of course, looks are highly subjective; one man’s trash is another’s treasure, as the saying goes. When love goggles are strapped firmly on, we rarely see clearly anyway. Often, it’s only when a couple breaks up that those goggles shatter, revealing a much less rose-tinted version of the ex-partner.

Yet, for Gen Z women, ‘dating down’ seems to have evolved from an accidental slip-up into a distinct, conscious choice – a surprising shift for a generation otherwise so consumed by aesthetics and digital curation.

One popular online explanation for this trend is that women are prioritizing security over raw attraction. The theory goes that a boyfriend will behave better and treat his partner with more respect if he constantly feels she is completely out of his league.

But for Maddison Lieberwirth, a Gen Z TikTok content creator who frequently posts videos and skits about dating and relationships, dating a less attractive man is no guarantee of security.

Instead, she argues that Gen Z women’s choice to date ugly men signals a demand for emotional depth and maturity rather than a desperate bid for security.

‘Women need more from relationships; it’s about what men can bring to the table besides looks.’

For her and many of her peers, it’s about finding someone willing to match their emotional capacity and compatibility. Maddison explains, ‘The reason I’m attracted to someone is because of their persona and aura. You can be physically attractive, but I’m instantly turned off if they have a bad personality.’

As it turns out, science agrees. The old ‘He’s got a great personality’ line carries far more psychological weight than we usually give it credit for.

Research from psychologists like Dr. Andrew Thomas, a professor at Swansea University who specializes in mate preferences and relationship behavior, shows that romantic desirability is highly multi-dimensional. In the long-term dating market, traits like humour and intelligence carry immense sway.

This dynamic changes, of course, depending on what kind of relationship is being sought.

Dr. Thomas notes, ‘When asked about short-term, casual sex partners, then both sexes tend to downplay the importance of interpersonal traits and those qualities useful in someone who they are going to share their life with.’

This is precisely where Gen Z’s shifting dating preferences come into play. In a notable generational move away from casual hookup culture, Gen Z is increasingly looking at dating through a long-term lens. They are seeking genuine, lasting connections over one-night stands – and as their relationship goals have shifted, so too has the emphasis on what makes a partner desirable.

While a great physique and striking face might be enough to draw someone in initially (we are only human, after all), Gen Z women are realizing that superficial attraction is a poor foundation for a meaningful relationship. They are increasingly willing to forego that initial, shallow spark in favor of true, deeper compatibility.

Ultimately, while online theorists claim women only find a tiny percentage of highly attractive men desirable, both psychological science and Gen Z’s real-world behavior argue the exact counter. Now more than ever, kindness, character, and humour are the ultimate currencies of attraction.

While ‘dating down’ remains the go-to internet phrasing for this trend, it is time we recognize it for what it actually is: a healthy realignment of romantic priorities, rather than something to be mocked.

So, the next time your friend eagerly defends her new date by insisting ‘He’s got a great personality,’ don’t roll your eyes. You might want to actually believe her.

It turns out that nice guys, now more than ever, finish first.